i actually hate streaming...i think as ive gotten older one of the things ive realised is i hate being in situations where i can't just be myself i think for stuff like streaming it's almost like u gotta have this different personality on stream, or be high energy or be a certain way etc etc...and it's one of those things i hate doing/find cringe...like im not gonna jump on stream and start swinging my dick and be all hype etc coz it's just tiring especially if u gotta do it every day so basically on my @RektMkts streams i mainly just dont really care about how they come across or what i talk about or if there are too many pauses etc etc because it's basically not sustainable for me to do it every day unless im just being myself something i def miss about being on a trading floor, compared to being in my closet office all alone, is the banter on the floor and good chat etc...i kinda feel like i get that on streams a bit again when it's with other ppl especially ofc @rektmando who i sat next to on a trading floor for over 5 years but yeh u realise like so much of ur life is striving to "come across a certain way" in a professional or career context and then when u get to a point where ur happy with ur achievements then u feel like u can actually just start being urself and the mentality is like...i dont really care if ppl like it or not coz im just gonna do it how i want to coz i can consequently despite my first comment of saying "i hate streaming" i actually have started to enjoy it since ive been doing it basically in my style which is zero preparation, zero fakeness, calm/sarcastic/deadpan energy, lots of random pauses, awkwardness etc etc and it's almost like i want people to find it too awkward to watch coz then i find it quite funny internally cheers
